hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
