You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
