All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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