i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
