You just made me feel so damn special
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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