There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
