What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the raccoons are back...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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