If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
