Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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