you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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