had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He shit in the fireplace
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
