I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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