walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
