New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
