But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
