And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
