Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
