i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
