i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
