No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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