I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
