Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
