xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
