Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize