I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are the jesus of drinking
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize