So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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