don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
