Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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