I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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