Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
