remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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