i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
