Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
