do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
