the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
