$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
