He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
