There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize