everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's an acceptable place to lick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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