You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tell your sister to shave her snatch
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
