Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
