Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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