My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
there is puke in my bra ... again
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