when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
