sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
