haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
