I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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