she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize