did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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