Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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