Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
