i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
