he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize