we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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