Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
