mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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