just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this is an emotional support booty call
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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