You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
