sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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