I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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