i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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