He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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