Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vagina is officially offended.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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