idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Two words: blizzard sex
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize