I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
