That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
