Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
