Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize