Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
