The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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