Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
