idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Text me some of your sweat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
