I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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