i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
