I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
