Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize