The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
