whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
