She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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