The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
