Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
