you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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