dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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