A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
