I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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