i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
